bwuceweeLOGS.

Hoping to start a business

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 04:09:02 -0700

So, I still fail at finding a job. Even a retail job. I’m starting to feel really inferior to all these other asian girls who happened to be incredibly fashionable and glammed up… I had a 3 minute interview at a clothing store. I didn’t get much of a chance to say much but I could already tell she wasn’t going to call me…

It’s not like I’m horrible in comparison, but I just don’t stand out like the other girls I suppose. I’ve been pretty plain jane lately because I chopped off all my hair, and I don’t have the clothes to look as presentable as I’d like to be (I threw a lot of clothing+shoes out when I moved). I’m just not the girl who wears a face full of make up and fake eyelashes with perfect hair. I can’t help but feel completely ugly lately because of these girls. Not that I want to be like them, but to everyone else they are gorgeous. Luckily though, I have a pretty awesome boyfriend. He appreciates my awkward geekiness.

No luck with a design job either. I had one call me for an interview, but of course someone else was better for the position. I haven’t been jobless this long before. It’s starting to get to me… It’s been incredibly stressful and I’ve been feeling like absolute failure. My confidence has really gone down a lot. It’s frustrating when everyone else around you is finding design jobs but you. Ugh. I feel completely heart broken when I get a rejection or when I hear someone else have better success. I’m totally happy for them, but more miserable for myself.

But I’m not giving up! I’ve decided to just put everything aside and start a small business to take on freelance/contract work. I’ve been spending the past few weeks getting a new site together. I’m trying to build the confidence to do this, but also just forcing myself to do it because I really don’t have any other option right now. I hope all goes well. I’m really excited about it because I’ve always to start a business, but just never had the courage or confidence to do it.

So here’s my chance to do it~! If I can’t get a design firm to want me to work for them, then I will start my own.

Been MIA… working on this!

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 03:31:40 -0700

Been MIA… working on this!

(via regardless) Whoa, I think this is so cool 8D

Tue, 27 Oct 2009 03:19:39 -0600

(via regardless)

Whoa, I think this is so cool 8D

Can't Sleep

Fri, 23 Oct 2009 07:09:00 -0600

Sleeping pattern has been all over the place lately because my boyfriend works graveyard shift, so I have to get up early to pick him up from work. Then I end up sleeping in til the afternoon to make up for sleep.

Been doing a lot of thinking lately and feeling self conscious again. This has all been kicking in lately due to stress and missing a few things. Like, socializing with people and just hanging out. I haven’t done that in a while. Not even go out even. Really starting to think Vancouver was not the city to move to. It’s really nice, but so expensive and the lack of jobs is really killing it. Plus this city is massive. Now I remember why I told myself I’d never wanna live here before I headed off to Edmonton. Too damn, big.

Also been dwelling on things that shouldn’t really bother me. It’s just really frustrating. Especially when it’s the past. I can’t help but have thoughts creeping up in my head that maybe the past has some truth, that you can’t change that part and that maybe that past is being missed.

I’m really just over thinking. I wish I had more confidence in myself so I didn’t doubt everything all the time. It’s really going to be the death of me.

Art Inspiration

Sat, 10 Oct 2009 03:07:57 -0600

chantheman:

When I was 6 years old, my mom sent me to a drawing school so that I could get inspiration for art, which lasted for less than a week. I still remember the incident happened on the day I quit attending the school. On the first day of school, I met a girl my age and we became so close. We became friends instantly. She was a cute kid and I had a crush on someone for the first time as a child. I think she also had a crush on me back then so we sat at the same desk. I hated drawing, but I didn’t tell my mom that and told her I loved the first day of the school because I wanted to see that girl.

There was a school bus that picked up all the students and dropped them off at school. On my last day of school (which, I didn’t expect to quit), we were dropped off right across from the school. The girl and I were holding hands together at first. I really couldn’t say anything when she held my hand (Maybe I was happy then). When we were about to cross the crosswalk, she let my hand go and started running saying “Come on, we are late.” All of a sudden, I saw a dump truck hit her and run over her body and she burst into pieces. She died right in front of me.
Her body and was all over the place. The school principal came out and started to freak out. That’s all I could remember and then I got a ride home. After my mom heard what happened, she decided not to send me to the school anymore.

I got a phone call from the principal that night so I could tell her what I saw. I could not tell her anything because of the trauma.

What if I didn’t let her hand go? What if I was running with her? What if we were dropped off on the school side of the road? What if I didn’t go to the school during that time? What if I didn’t meet her at all? What if I told my mom that I hated the school? What if…

A few months later, the girl’s mother went to the sky to be with her.

Too much for a kid to see.

gorg: kitchen by ~zain7 on deviantART I love this person’s...

Fri, 02 Oct 2009 17:12:21 -0600

gorg:

kitchen by ~zain7 on deviantART

I love this person’s artwork!

Actually, what's your opinion?

Fri, 02 Oct 2009 11:48:30 -0600

sheezyislove:

Blackberry vs. iPhone? Personal vs. Work?

oops, I forgot to say blackberries for texting and email..

Drawn for my boyfriend. It’s him characterized~ 8D

Thu, 01 Oct 2009 23:10:01 -0600

Drawn for my boyfriend. It’s him characterized~ 8D

chantheman: Shot my gf took of me. I love taking portraits~!

Tue, 29 Sep 2009 01:34:58 -0600

chantheman:

Shot my gf took of me.

I love taking portraits~!

(via chantheman) Korean food in Vancouver when my bf first came...

Wed, 23 Sep 2009 01:31:00 -0600

(via chantheman)

Korean food in Vancouver when my bf first came to visit me. :D :D

Loneliest place in my life

Tue, 22 Sep 2009 00:12:00 -0600

chantheman:

Imagine wasting one of your teenage life by listening to radio everyday with no friends, getting fed instant noodles once a day for breakfast (my only meal of the day), someone not talking to you for 6 months pretending you don’t exist, getting yelled at for being a trouble maker every day for an hour, standing and looking out the window for 2 hours everyday for 6 months, crying every night under the blanket because you are worried about making noise, doing 1000 push ups everyday in your room because there is nothing else you could do, not having anyone who can help you open your heart and actually feel your heart is hurting everyday.

Imagine that…

:( This made me cry. I don’t know how anyone could treat anyone so bad without even knowing who you are and making assumptions you’re a bad person. Even if, this is just cruel.

Apple Fast

Mon, 21 Sep 2009 23:30:13 -0600

We lasted til 9pm. My boyfriend said I looked like a patient waiting to die at the hospital when I was holding up my 5th apple. So he said “Fuck it, were not doing this shit! I don’t care, were going to viet noodle! I’m buying”. So there we went! OMG, it was so good. *~*

I just ate a korean cookie… I can’t give up food.

Job hunt & apple fast

Mon, 21 Sep 2009 16:51:41 -0600

Hopefully this will be the last city I move to for a while… it’s been really tough to find a job here. Not just for me, but my boyfriend and brother too. I hope I find something soon! Even just a retail job. No word on that yet either.

We all just started doing the apple fast today. I’ve just had two apples today and I’m already sick of it. Probably because I have to eat the core and seeds.. omg. After 1 apple, my boyfriend had a dream about being sick of it where he threw the apples in a blender and just chugged it.

I’m so hungrryy… but it’s for the benefit of body cleansing and losing weight… just 2 and half days to go…

chantheman: Blue Frog Lounge in Mumbai Wow, this place looks...

Mon, 21 Sep 2009 02:02:00 -0600

chantheman:

Blue Frog Lounge in Mumbai

Wow, this place looks crazy.

chantheman: T-O 12 Club in Germany

Sun, 20 Sep 2009 03:18:20 -0600

chantheman:

T-O 12 Club in Germany

(via staree) Whoa… candy heaven!!!

Sun, 20 Sep 2009 01:16:49 -0600

(via staree)

Whoa… candy heaven!!!

tachyonic: Bear USB Hand Warmer - LOL I actually kind of want...

Sat, 19 Sep 2009 19:38:12 -0600

tachyonic:

Bear USB Hand Warmer - LOL I actually kind of want something like this but less bulky (so I can see what letters I’m hitting, haha!) My hands get so cold that I need to wear mittens when I use the computer in the winter … except mittens slip on the keyboard = more typos

I want!!!

chantheman: Had Korean BBQ today. It was gooooood. My Parents...

Sat, 19 Sep 2009 17:06:00 -0600

chantheman:

Had Korean BBQ today. It was gooooood.

My Parents came into the city today and we all went to have BBQ~! Omigawsh, it was so much food… we didn’t realize how much we were getting. When we had just finished eating the meat, we were already stuffed.. my boyfriend kept saying it would be small, but then this came:

So much! Sadly we didn’t really get to eat much of it… my bf tried to eat most of it.. I don’t know how he can stuff the amount of food he does in his body… so much. But delicious. 8D

chantheman: My girlfriend shot this for me. We did a photoshoot...

Fri, 18 Sep 2009 16:56:00 -0600

chantheman:

My girlfriend shot this for me.

We did a photoshoot before we went back to BC. :D :D :D We have another one due soon… just need to get him a new shirt. He has an obsession with v-necks… black v-necks. :|

8D Handsome fella’

Finally coloring this!

Thu, 17 Sep 2009 14:15:53 -0600

Finally coloring this!