Missing the company of friends

Trying to sleep, but so far unsuccessful. I have too much on my mind I guess, despite being really tired.. I won’t get much sleep today at all as I have to pick up my bf from work, sleep then wake up 2 hours later to do laundry, then head to the gym, cook, drop bf off for work, shower and work on website. Sunday is a busy day for me. :p

My life right now, really sucks. I thought it sucked before, when I was single, not doing the work I want to, living in a shit town with parents I don’t exactly get along with as well as I’d like, feeling bored and lost. But I had social life with great friends who I had a good time with, a job that paid well and lived in a nice home. All that other crappy stuff could have been easily fixed.

Now, however, I live in a city that I basically can’t really afford to live in, I live in an old cold lower level of someone’s home, no job, I look like shit and have absolutely no social life. Plus side though, I have my bf and my brother. But mostly, it’s just not so great right now. I keep thinking about if we didn’t move. If we just stayed in Edmonton a little longer. Because honestly, I think our situation now sucks more. At least I had two jobs in Edmonton and my boyfriend would have found something after he quit his job because he knows so many people there and jobs don’t seem as scarce as Vancouver.

Plus we had friends. God, I really really miss having friends… Close friends. Me and my best friend aren’t even best friends anymore. Pretty much the time I moved to Edmonton, she made “new best friends”. I’m not surprised though, she goes through phases. I kind of took the hint with that back in Edmonton, so when I came back things weren’t really the same anymore and now we barely talk.

Plus it doesn’t help that she and bf don’t exactly click… I thought they would have. I was so sure of it, til they met and she was the worst friend in the world that day and was completely rude throughout his trip to BC. She was not the fun and easy going best friend I knew. Just the cranky, rude and absent minded best friend with issues I had right before I moved to Edmonton. It was clear to me that her issues had gotten worse, not better as she so claimed.

Even though she really screwed me over and wasn’t always a good friend near the last year of friendship, I still miss what we had. I had so much fun with her. Making friends is totally not something I’m good at. I rarely ever have a group of friends who I could really hang out with all the time. I always seem to lose it.

I wish I was more outgoing and personable. I was incredibly shy growing up and anti-social for majority of my life. I am much better now, but still can’t just randomly make friends with people. Really hard for me to find someone I really click with.