Another year gone by. I can’t say I’ve reached any particular goals last year as I never really planned any. I think I was just happy to be working again and just wanted to see where things took me. This year though, I’m setting goals for myself so I can keep track. Also to push myself to get to where I want and there are a lot of things I really want to accomplish this year.
Things were a lot easier in high school when the future was just a head of me. I was ambitious, loved what I was doing and had big dreams for myself. But over the years I started to feel like I wasn’t good enough anymore and became afraid of the business. I’ve been screwed over by clients, stomped on, and just had terrible luck and timing. Then I went through a really tough year end of 2009-2010. Things with my life went out of my control for me and I lost passion for doing anything.
I created all these expectations for myself: working at an amazing job where I did what I was best at and loved, successful, investing in my own place, financially stable and have travelled to places already. All these never happened. I think as the years keep passing, the more disappointed I feel in myself and the more I feel I’ve disappointed others. I guess it didn’t really help to hear from people that they thought I would be so successful because I was so talented. I had a huge following on the internet, but as my life started falling apart, my online presence did as well since I disappeared from it. I had a huge advantage a head of me with enough exposure to really push me up there. In my head, I feel like people are thinking “Wow, she hasn’t done anything with her life. I really thought she was going to be really successful.” I feel like such a loser. So much for positive thinking, right?
Despite feeling this way, I’m hoping to turn this around for 2012. It’s better late than never.
The important things I hope to accomplish this year:
Finding passion in illustration & design again: I still really love both, but it’s been difficult for me to keep this steady. Since I’ve graduated, I’ve worked for offices doing mainly production design work with no creativity. I have no confidence in design anymore. However, after working in editorial, I’ve had a chance to be more creative again and learned that I’m not a completely horrible designer and that I still have some skill there. I just need to exercise it more and practice.
Same with illustration.. I doodle and illustrate here and there, but not enough. I want to make the effort to find more time to sketch so my drawing skills can improve.
Lose weight: This has been an ongoing battle for me. But I’m really taking it seriously now because I’m sick of this extra weight I’ve never been able to get off. I’ve started my diet a couple days ago (which I’ve never done in my life!) and been working out harder than ever. I’ve been really inspired after showmerage.com launched and watching everyone on the team improve and how their bodies have changed in such a short amount of time.
Pay off my student loans: I only have 7k+ left to pay off! So when I do freelance work, I’m going to put money into this so I can get rid of this once and for all!
Minor goals to accomplish:
Practice photography: I’ve gotten more into photography this year because I found myself being the main photographer for showmerage.com. So I’m trying to improve my composition skills, etc.
Save more money: I really sucked at saving money this last year. I did save but not to my expectations (I know, I need to stop expecting so much of myself). I had a huge impulse splurge this past year because I was not able to buy a single item for myself the year before because I was struggling to have food on the table when I lived in Vancouver. But this year, I need to stop because I honestly don’t need a lot of things.
Plan a trip: I’ve never really travelled anywhere! I’m getting old and I really want to go somewhere! I might get to go to Korea if my boyfriend goes back for a few months. So that will be amazing. I wanna eat everything (okay, not everything) when I go there!
