Can’t sleep at the moment. I have so much on my mind. Excuse my lack of punctuation with my writing today. Im texting in bed, from my phone. I just need to unwind my head otherwise ill be tossing and turning all night.
Today i decided to snoop on my former art director/co-worker. See where shes up to these days since she left without saying a word to any of us. Looks like she made her way to the new city we heard she was moving to. Seems happy despite leaving a job when she and her husband were so financially unstable. She is a year younger than me, but found her soulmate at a young age. I kind of envy her. Shes so happy with her life despite not knowing where things are taking her. Shes with a guy who truly adores and loves her. He treats her like gold and supports her with everything. I found their little facebook group when she was trying to run her design business. I was pretty impressed with what they had going. She was doing all the design work and he did heavy promoting and supported her throughout it. But the business thing was really hard as it was hard to get enough work in to live. They stopped the business a couple years ago. Now theyre venturing out a new city together.
I guess i envy the type of support she has. When you have it, you become the best you can be. I guess im still looking for that support. I am so busy pleasing everyone else that i wear myself thin and lose self worth for myself. And being around the wrong type of people just doesnt help that. I wish i could just pick up my things and go again. But fear holds me back.
Im at the age where i should be excited about my career and getting ready to get married. But of course, im not. Not even close. Im not really ready for marriage but the thought does cross my mind wondering if ill ever be that girl who becomes elated over a marriage proposal. Even one of my friends, who is the biggest tomboy youll ever meet and the last person to even want to be in a long term relationship is now married! The guy really cares about her and shes finally realized what its like to have someone care and love her so much. Which im happy for her.
I guess thats whats on my mind right now. And few other things. But i think this is what i yearn for more than anything. Support and knowing im worth the trouble… Well i suppose we only have less than a year left anyway. :p i hope i can experience a new country before it all ends at least if not the support thing.