So, I still fail at finding a job. Even a retail job. I’m starting to feel really inferior to all these other asian girls who happened to be incredibly fashionable and glammed up… I had a 3 minute interview at a clothing store. I didn’t get much of a chance to say much but I could already tell she wasn’t going to call me…
It’s not like I’m horrible in comparison, but I just don’t stand out like the other girls I suppose. I’ve been pretty plain jane lately because I chopped off all my hair, and I don’t have the clothes to look as presentable as I’d like to be (I threw a lot of clothing+shoes out when I moved). I’m just not the girl who wears a face full of make up and fake eyelashes with perfect hair. I can’t help but feel completely ugly lately because of these girls. Not that I want to be like them, but to everyone else they are gorgeous. Luckily though, I have a pretty awesome boyfriend. He appreciates my awkward geekiness.
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Sleeping pattern has been all over the place lately because my boyfriend works graveyard shift, so I have to get up early to pick him up from work. Then I end up sleeping in til the afternoon to make up for sleep.
Been doing a lot of thinking lately and feeling self conscious again. This has all been kicking in lately due to stress and missing a few things. Like, socializing with people and just hanging out. I haven’t done that in a while. Not even go out even. Really starting to think Vancouver was not the city to move to. It’s really nice, but so expensive and the lack of jobs is really killing it. Plus this city is massive. Now I remember why I told myself I’d never wanna live here before I headed off to Edmonton. Too damn, big.
Also been dwelling on things that shouldn’t really bother me. It’s just really frustrating. Especially when it’s the past. I can’t help but have thoughts creeping up in my head that maybe the past has some truth, that you can’t change that part and that maybe that past is being missed.
I’m really just over thinking. I wish I had more confidence in myself so I didn’t doubt everything all the time. It’s really going to be the death of me.
chantheman:
When I was 6 years old, my mom sent me to a drawing school so that I could get inspiration for art, which lasted for less than a week. I still remember the incident happened on the day I quit attending the school. On the first day of school, I met a girl my age and we became so close. We became friends instantly. She was a cute kid and I had a crush on someone for the first time as a child. I think she also had a crush on me back then so we sat at the same desk. I hated drawing, but I didn’t tell my mom that and told her I loved the first day of the school because I wanted to see that girl.
There was a school bus that picked up all the students and dropped them off at school. On my last day of school (which, I didn’t expect to quit), we were dropped off right across from the school. The girl and I were holding hands together at first. I really couldn’t say anything when she held my hand (Maybe I was happy then). When we were about to cross the crosswalk, she let my hand go and started running saying “Come on, we are late.” All of a sudden, I saw a dump truck hit her and run over her body and she burst into pieces. She died right in front of me.
Her body and was all over the place. The school principal came out and started to freak out. That’s all I could remember and then I got a ride home. After my mom heard what happened, she decided not to send me to the school anymore.
I got a phone call from the principal that night so I could tell her what I saw. I could not tell her anything because of the trauma.
What if I didn’t let her hand go? What if I was running with her? What if we were dropped off on the school side of the road? What if I didn’t go to the school during that time? What if I didn’t meet her at all? What if I told my mom that I hated the school? What if…
A few months later, the girl’s mother went to the sky to be with her.
Too much for a kid to see.
sheezyislove:
Blackberry vs. iPhone? Personal vs. Work?
oops, I forgot to say blackberries for texting and email..
